The last couple of days, or more like week have I been really annoyed and felt like being alone the entire time. But at the same time I want to have some company. I don't know really. And what bothers me the most is that I don't know why I am feeling this way. I feel like punching someone in the face, don't like anyone and every little thing makes me burn inside. I am very afraid, and I feel like I'm going down a path I don't want to go by again.
I am in a state of mind where I just want to cover myself up in paint and do nothing else or write some absurd poems and lyrics. Make weird noises and call it music.
The thing is that I know exactly why I am like this. I feel lonely, but not in a bad way. I feel lost. Still not in a bad way. I feel like someone needs to understand me, or is it just me being stupid? What I think it might be is kind of personal and I will therefore not write it here. I miss before. When everything was so perfect. Now, lately I've found defaults in myself I never noticed before. And I know they've always been there. And I thought I was mature for my age, or extremely talented and had a special way of thinking and an extraordinary way of look at things. But knowing that I'm not anything of this things and the worst part, knowing that I used to think like this makes me want to laugh at myself. Really stupid, isn't it?